How would I know that it is water dripping from my face when I’m taking a bath and not tears?
How would I know that it is sweat dripping from my face when it is to hot and not tears?
How would I know if it is the sickness of the heart that is killing me and not love?
How would I know if I am still alive and not dead?
This is the second time I’m killed. This is my second death. The second time I love too much but suffer too much in return. sacrifice almost everything. But achieve only little things. It is easy to say “I am happy because your happy” nut the truth is, yes I am happy for you but not for me. The pain still stings my heart even now. Unlike the first one that takes me a year to recover. This one would take me eternity to recover. Suffering forever after all those sacrifice. After al the trust I have broken just to bring her happiness. Just to give her everything. I know that what I am giving is not enough, because if it is, then it won’t be like this. Maybe just like before. I’ll be back to being a ghost again. No feelings, moaning, crying, suffering and a lot more. They say that I should not feel like this because there are so many girls there for me to love. Nut I told them “Why would I love other girls, when the girl that I really love is just infront of me. Why would I love them, when I can’t love anymore because the one that holds my heart is the only one I could love, but the thing is, “mahal niya ba ako?”. Many rumors telling she love me. But it just me it all worst. “napapaasa lang ako”. She just treat me as a friend and thats okay. Atleast she treat me as a person, as a friend. Not like the first one. She may be the second but, I really love her, i won’t face all of this if I don’t love her. This pain would heal, and I will revive. The question is, when?
You know, I have this wonderful dream last night. She is with me. We having a dance. We being together. forever. A wishful dream. A very precious one.
I may be a fool, but I am an unchained hope lover.
*I know many would react on this blog or won't mind this blog. But I tell you. Blogs are made to express ones self, to express ones ideas. right? till next post.*
